


Safe Word's Samurai

by relinquish_one_bullet



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Cyberpunk, F/M, Inspired by Cyberpunk 2077, Soft Johnny Silverhand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relinquish_one_bullet/pseuds/relinquish_one_bullet
Summary: I imagine Johnny Silverhand has always wanted to fuck himself. Here's his chance.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 13
Kudos: 341





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aybeexinfinity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aybeexinfinity/gifts).



“Samurai.” 

The lights flickered on immediately as she heaved herself off the bed, planting her feet firmly on the floor. The dolls eyes change in front of her as he blinks, confused, but she doesn’t offer an explanation. Instead, she’s slamming through the door, skidding out into the hallway. Her heart is lodged somewhere tight in her throat, banging hard, and her breath feels shallow. 

Is she going to pass out? It feels a lot like she’s going to pass out. She reaches a hesitate hand out towards the wall, maybe to brace her fall if she teeters that way, but doesn’t make contact. 

“Well…isn’t that interesting?” 

He’s leaning against the wall, watching her struggle to breathe with an almost contemplative expression. One foot is hiked back and a cigarette rests easily between metal fingers. He cocks his head to the side and a flame of indignation shoots through her. 

“ _Not. Another. Word._ ” She hisses through her teeth, getting control of her breathing in time to glare in his direction

He raises his hands in mock defense but already a hard smirk is pressed into his face. He’s not wearing sunglasses this time and his dark eyes stare at her plainly, trying to read past her stubborn expression. She can’t meet his gaze though, the intimate moment with the doll still fresh on her mind. 

“I fucking mean it, Johnny.” She whined, crossing her arms across her chest 

“All right, all right.” He shrugs halfheartedly, letting his hands drop

A deep, hot, uncomfortable blush blooms across her face for the first time as she stalks away from him. She can’t look at him, not now. It was one thing knowing he was there, seeing the world through her eyes as she had to pick through a scrolling list of dolls, but then to have the doll transform…

_Hair and eyes are entirely customizable._

That’s what that front desk bitch had said. Everything tailored to your preference, prebuilt by an algorithm. But she hadn’t said anything about being face to face with a goddamn Johnny look alike. 

“The algorithm knows best, you know?” 

He just can’t fucking help himself. He’s beside her now, matching her steps as she struggles to escape the labyrinth of neon pink halls at Clouds. She glares at nothing in particular, one hand bunching into a fist and then relaxing again. 

“That’s the slogan.” He adds when she says nothing 

She scowls at his boyish grin and turns towards the elevator. She needs air, space, a moment of fucking peace. Unlikely with a terrorist bouncing around in her brain. 

The journey back home is uneventful. She managed to press back the headache she knows is coming and finally crosses the threshold to her apartment. Peace. Or whatever constituted as peace lately. 

Her body wants to relax, wants sleep, but her mind fights it at every step. She lies down, staring up at the ceiling for an hour as neon lights flicker on outside her window. Then she paces, trying and failing to see stars past the bright city lights. She’s contemplating going for a walk when Johnny materializes again, sitting on the edge of the bed with a scowl. 

“You realize I can’t rest until you do right?” 

V ignores him, staring pointedly out the window as the city down below. Everything feels far away from up here. Although, since waking up, everything’s felt far away all the time, like she’s walking in a dream. She can’t remember the last time she slept, afraid she’d waste precious time she could be using to get rid of this…brain tumor. She thinks about stopping by to see Vik, maybe he’s thought of something by now. Or maybe she could head to Afterlife, try to pick up some clues there. 

Johnny stood, getting closer and crossing his arms. She retreated in response, giving him a glare and sinking down on the bed. Maybe if she lied down, he’d be appeased and go away. She kicked her legs up, staring up at the ceiling with a bored expression as Johnny sat down on the very edge of the mattress. 

She couldn’t place his expression but he was watching her intently and she was ignoring him just as intently, counting the tiles on the ceiling. Finally, he frowned, leaning back on one hand and taking a long drag off a cig with the other. 

“Should’ve taken advantage of that doll, earlier. Worked off some stress.”

She rolled her eyes. Fucking a random stranger, especially a brainless doll, did not appeal to her. Fucking a random stranger, dressed up like Johnny Silverhand, less so. 

“Thought you were disgusted by Clouds.” She retorted

“I am.” He retorted, “But I’m also exhausted and you’re preventing us from resting. Coiled tight like a spring.”

“Oh, well, I’m _sooo_ sorry.” She replied sarcastically

Then she paused, frowning.

“How do you know I’m…coiled tight?” 

It was Johnny’s turn to roll his eyes, taking another drag and letting the smoke puff in a thin line from his mouth to the ceiling before he answered. 

“We share a brain, dead girl. What you feel, I feel. And I’m feeling frustrated as fuck.” Was all the answer she got 

“Frustrated…” She began but he snapped, interrupting her

“I’m locked in a body that craves every muscled, tattooed idiot that walks by but doesn’t do anything about it.” He replied, “You realize there are ways to fix what’s bugging you right?” 

“Well, I’m ready for any brilliant ideas you might be hiding.” She muttered sarcastically, turning back to the ceiling 

“Got one.” He shrugged, “You won’t like it though.” 

“Shoot.” 

His dark eyes turned to her and she looked at him fully, trying to ignore the cringe in her gut, a muscle memory from the doll that had looked at her in much the same way. There was no doubt he was attractive, though she’d never tell him so. All of that was obscured by his unbelievable attitude problem and childish nature. 

He took another drag and then flicked the cigarette to the floor where it sparked into nothing, a phantom. Finally, he turned to look at her, accessing her a moment, before he leaned back casually again. 

“All right.” He began, “I’ll… _uncoil_ your spring, if you get my meaning.” 

“What?” She snapped, meeting his gaze immediately 

“I’m exactly what the doctor ordered, algorithm said so.” He retorted with a smirk, cocking his head to the side 

“You…you want…” She couldn’t find the words

“ _I_ want to sleep.” He replied, shaking his head, “This is the fastest way to get there.”

“I…how…is that even possible?” 

He seemed somewhat surprised that she wasn’t outright saying no or maybe popping a pill to make him disappear. He took that momentary lapse in judgment to move closer. 

“Don’t see why not.” He shrugged again, “You can feel me, anyway.”

To prove his point, he dragged a solitary finger down her thigh, ignoring the involuntary twitch she gave in return. It was true, there were times when she could feel him, like another person in the room. He felt solid, tangible, and yet she figured it was all in her head. It also seemed he was getting more corporeal as time went one, every day a little more solid, a little more real. It terrified her. 

“And I’m a professional.” He bragged, “Shouldn’t take long.” 

“What…what exactly did you have in mind?” 

She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth but…she reasoned that she _was_ exhausted. And honestly, how much longer could she keep trucking through like this? She needed and wanted to finally sleep again. Whatever it took. 

“Gonna help you sleep.” He replied simply 

“What do you want me…” 

“Nothing.” He shook his head, “Just lie back.”

He kicked his shoes off and then nodded for her to scoot up the bed. She paused a moment, still unsure, still baffled, before she slowly moved towards the head of the bed. She lied back, unsure where to look, what to do. Johnny’s eyes shined blue for a moment and something locked in her arm implants, keeping them tight above her head. 

“Hey!” She struggled, her fingers clenching and unclenching 

“Relax, give up a little control for once.” He was already working on the button to her pants 

“This the part where you finally kill me?” She was only half sarcastic, breathless, as she glared at him 

“What a way to die.” He growled

He pulled her pants down, exposing her bottom half to the chill of the room. She struggled another moment, futilely, and then finally gave in, letting her head rest against the pillow and turning to face her arm. 

Fingertips dragged along her thighs, her hips, just below her bellybutton, and goosebumps erupted across her skin. One hand warm, human, the other cold and metal. She glanced down to see Johnny smirk, already helpless beneath him. 

“You’re so…” He began, his eyes softening an iota 

“Fuck you, Johnny.” She spat, closing her eyes as a blush dragged across her face

“If you insist…” 

And with that, he leaned down, his open mouth against her already. She nearly gasped, biting down hard on her lip to keep from making any noise. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. 

A lazy tongue probed forward, slipping past her folds, exploring. It was enough to drive her crazy, this slow movement, just barely touching her, testing her, teasing her. She couldn’t press into him either though, couldn’t let him know she wanted it, wanted _him_. He made a slow figure eight, brushing against her clit and sending a jolt up her spine. 

Without a doubt, Johnny had experience, he was an expert, she’d give him that. Her whole body felt tense, like she was hanging over the edge of a mountain, held up by a few strands of string. He hummed against her and she crushed her eyes closed, pressing her face against her arm as her knees nearly knocked together. 

He shoved his arms beneath her legs in the next moment, cocking her hips up slightly before he dove back in again, starting a rhythm. V’s whole body clenched, her fists balling tight above her head. Fuck, how long had it been? She doesn’t know. Her mind can barely form thoughts. 

He licks between her lips again, hot and wet and purposeful, and then doubles down on her clit, sucking hard for a moment. It’s enough for her to see double and she accidentally lets out a sound, a breathy moan into her elbow. Already, she can feel the telltale smirk cross his goddamn lips and she doesn’t care. As long as he keeps going, sends her over the edge, he can say what he wants. 

“Don’t bother holding back.” He was nearly speaking into her, his voice vibrating against her core, “I can tell what you’re feeling.” 

His metal hand bites hard into the skin of her hip and the other spreads her lips as his tongue picks up pace. Her back arches, she can’t help it, and brings her closer to him. He obliges without breaking pace, sliding his hand beneath her back to hold her nearer. 

“Fuck. Fuck. I…”

Her toes crunch somewhere behind his head and the fire in her belly threatens to spill over. She’s close, fuck she’s so close. She crushes her eyes shut again. And that’s when he adds a finger, bent to hit just the right spot. 

At that, she screams, muffled against her own arm as she turns her head and bites down. A moment later, he moans against her, the muscles in his arms twitching slightly. He pulses his finger in and out and in, matching the rhythm of his tongue perfectly, and then adds another. He’s back at her clit, licking and sucking as she shudders, her legs trembling. 

It’s too much, it’s amazing, it’s…

She bites down on her arm again as the orgasm he’s coaxed out of her rocks through her, sending tremors to her limbs. He lets her ride it out against his mouth, keeping her tightly there. She moans again, she doesn’t care what he thinks, and then rocks once, twice, three times against his tongue. Her body finally starts to comes down as he extracts his fingers, tonguing her softly. 

It’s almost…intimate. It feels wrong, coming from him, but it helps, fuck it helps. She could cry, she’s so relieved, and her eyes very nearly well with tears. He pulls away slowly, surveying his work. Stray, sweat soaked hair plastered across her forehead. Her arms right around her head, like she’s resting, like a painting. 

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and releases whatever he’d locked before, letting her arms down.

“Hope that was good enough for you.” 

He’s teasing her but she doesn’t have the energy to even roll her eyes in return. She slowly lets her arms drop and he slides beside her, resting back against the headboard for a moment. 

She’s waiting for him to disappear again, like always, but catches herself looking all the same, watching him breathe, watching him rest. She eyes his tattoos, the defined muscles of one arm, his wild hair. He’d bring this up forever, she had no doubt. He’d remind her daily, how she’d let him into her pants, so easily. How he’d rocked her world. How he’d barely had to try before she was a puddle before him.

The thought made something inside her burn, a competitive streak she’d had her whole life. She tried to smother the thought, tried to convince herself it didn’t bother her, that she could weather the jokes for the last few weeks of her life. 

“Shouldn’t you be…” He turned to look at her with a lazy expression but she was already pressing herself up

“V.” 

His voice made her pause, but only for a moment, her hands already at his pants. He must have been at a loss because he stared at her dumbly, surprised and without words for the first time since she’d met him, and she took the lapse to press forward, taking his pants off in one solid motion. 

He was already hard, she’d use that against him if he ever brought this up again. It wasn’t just her turned on. She imagined it wouldn’t take long, it had been more than fifty years now, but she wanted to drag it out, do what he’d done to her. 

She gripped the base of his dick hard and then swallowed the head, licking and spitting her way down. Johnny’s eyes crunched closed and he hissed in a breath. Already, his fingers had twisted into the blankets below, bunching and ripping at them. 

She bobbed her head once, twice, and then took in as much of him as she could. His hips jerked automatically, his dick touching the back of her throat for a moment, before she pulled all the way back out again. She picked up a rhythm easily, moving her hand from the base to wrap tightly around his balls to keep him from cumming too quickly. 

He seemed to realize what she was doing because he cursed, leaning his head back and keeping his eyes closed. A vein in his neck pulsed and she felt a strange heaviness in her gut, a feeling she’d never had before. She sucked her cheeks in, sucking hard while she swirled her tongue around the head of his cock, and he hissed out a breath between his teeth. 

“Fuck, V.” 

Her name rolling out of his mouth so easily surprised her momentarily but she kept the pace, using her other hand to follow her mouth as she moved up and down. She knew he was close, that much was obvious by how much he was struggling to regain the control he’d given up. 

He weaved a hand into her hair, tight against her scalp, and managed to guide her head a few times before he finally gripped her hair hard and yanked her off entirely. She was going to say something, curse at him, but he had already flipped her over onto her back and she realized what he had in mind. 

He lined up with her and then shoved himself in without warning. A momentary bright light blinded her and her whole body clenched down, her breath caught somewhere between her lungs and her teeth. 

“Jesus Christ.” Johnny stopped for a moment, the muscles in his arm tight and taut

When she finally could see again, he started moving in and out, snapping his hips against the back of her thighs. That same fire in her belly was growing again and she whimpered out a moan, her arms pinned above her head once more. 

He moved her legs, straightening them against her chest, and then lifted her slightly to get a better angle. She bit her lip, trying but failing to keep the noises she was making at bay. He kept his metal arm wrapped tight against her legs, battering hard against her, and then he pulled his other arm away. 

“You gonna cum again?” 

He was nearly teasing her and she had half a mind to ignore him, to close her eyes, but then he had his thumb at her clit, rubbing circles and dragging breathy, wordless moans from her as she shuddered. 

He repeated the question, his voice more raspy than she’d ever remembered it, and then bit her leg hard. 

“Y-Yes.” Her teeth chattered, “Yes. Please. Fuck.” 

He continued the pace until she finally screamed, as orgasm ripping through her, harder than the first. Her legs clenched hard around him and she trembled, her whole body alight. He grunted, his eyes crunching closed, and she felt a tremble against the back of her legs. Could he feel it too?

He let go of her, letting her legs collapse around his hips, and then leaned forward. His face was at her neck, an arm resting around her head to keep from crushing her as he continued to thrust deep. She could feel his mouth against her neck, though he wasn’t really kissing her. It felt too…real. Too familiar. He seemed to be thinking the same thing because he pulled back, wrapping fingers around her neck. 

A weakness, on her part. 

He must have noticed the shift, or maybe he could also feel that roller-coaster gut drop feeling, because he tightened his grip and slammed into her mercilessly. She managed a string of breathy moans, already at the edge again, before he finally let go and pressed himself against her. 

His hands found her wrists and pressed them closer, chest to chest, as he finally came. He moaned, a sound very much becoming of him, as his rhythm became disjointed and sporadic. His mouth found her neck easily and he nipped there to stop whatever noises were spreading from him and then clamped down, sucking hard. There would be a bruise, she had no doubt. 

He shuddered, his body rocking against her, and moaned one final time as he finished, the noise vibrating against her jugular. She could feel it too, sort of, like something releasing deep inside her. Like she was also cumming somehow, the same tingles spreading up her spine. She felt warm and, finally, relaxed. 

He grunted, his noises partially obscured by her neck and shoulder, and then he collapsed against her. She could hear her heart ringing in her ears, trying to outpace his own banging against her chest. She could hear his breathing, feel it, as he tried to get ahold of himself. 

When he finally lifted his head to look at her, resting on one arm, he dragged a hand against her forehead, brushing wisps of hair back out of her face. It was so…warm. So unlike him. 

For a moment, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. He seemed to be evaluating that, maybe he knew her thoughts in real time, she couldn’t be sure. Regardless, he sighed, and swallowed whatever smart assed comment waiting on his tongue. He brushed a thumb against the hickey on her neck, admiring his work for a moment, and then turned to face her again.

“Time to sleep.” His voice seemed deeper, slower

He rested his forehead against her own and she closed her eyes, waiting a moment. Time seemed to slow and for this moment in time, she felt content, safe. For the first time in a long time. 

“Johnny…I…”

He pressed his lips to hers, tight and quick, and her words got lost somewhere in the back of her brain. When he finally pulled away, she blinked stupidly up at him. He gave her half a smile, dragging his hand down her face. 

“Sleep.” 

And with that he disappeared, leaving her alone in the room, half dressed and finally exhausted. She clicked the lights off with a hand motion and the room plummeted into darkness. For a moment, she could nearly see him there, a silhouette in the dark beside her in bed. And then in the next, she teetered off into unconsciousness, finally asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little short, a little sweet.

“Please, V.” His voice is oddly quiet, “For me.” 

She smirks to herself, rotating the cigarette case in her hand. It wasn’t often that he begged. She turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. He scowled in return, immediately seeing her drunken amusement at his predicament and turning to face the street below. 

Jackie’s funeral hadn’t really gone like she thought it would but she was 6 tequila shots down now and she felt…good. Maybe not good, but less sad. Maybe numb. It was all sort of the same nowadays. 

Johnny changes tactics while she’s lost in her thoughts, taking a step towards her with his hands on either side of her, holding the railing. He’s trying to…what? Flirt? Tease? Intimidate?

“Please?” He tries again, licking his lips

Ah. _Begging again._

“What do I get?” She challenged 

At this he raised an eyebrow, taking half a step back to survey her. She opened the case to prove a point, leaning hard on one elbow and cocking her head to the side. 

“Whatever you want.” He was quick to answer, desperate 

So far, she hadn’t broken down, had pushed the nicotine cravings that weren’t her own away. But fuck it, she was dying, it didn’t matter anymore. 

“Fuck me again.” She’s bolder when she’s drinking 

“Not a good idea.” Johnny replied with a frown 

She shrugged, snapping the case closed again and turning back to the street. Clouds were rolling in, getting ready to pour soon. Johnny licked his lips again and watched her, maybe trying to read her mind. 

“Fine.”

“What?” 

There was definitely a part of her that was surprised, even through the tequila haze. He faced her with a serious expression though, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Fine.” He repeated

“When?” She called his bluff

“When you least expect it.” He retorted, “That’s what you want, isn’t it?” 

So he had been probing her thoughts again. He was right though, she didn’t have anyone, hadn’t for a long time. She wanted…something. Not a relationship, obviously, not even really romance ( _maybe a little romance_ ) but something. Passion? She’d settle for a good fuck, one she didn’t have to instigate herself or pay for. 

“Deal.” 

She pulled out a cigarette, lighting it easily and taking a deep drag as she met his gaze through the smoke. He looked openly relieved, leaning back against the railing of the deck. He watched her intently, almost seductively, biting his bottom lip a moment.

“Christ, I could kiss you right now.” 

She laughed, letting the smoke trickle from her mouth slowly. Johnny closed his eyes, taking a deep, heady breath as she continued to smoke. They stayed there, side by side, until she finished and crushed the cigarette out against the railing. 

“Time to go home.” 

She slipped away from the bar without a goodbye and began the long walk home. The rain started halfway there, soaking through her clothes and chilling her bones. She made it back to the apartment, shivering, and headed straight for the shower, cranking up the heat. 

She peeled out of her wet clothes and stepped into the water, sighing in relief. Little by little she began to thaw, her hands pressed forward against the wall, her head directly in the spray. Her muscles relaxed one by one, her buzz starting to wear off. 

That’s when she felt his presence. She shifted slightly, dragging her head out of the water. By the time she turned, he was there, a hand at her throat, pinning her to the wall. 

“This is how this is going to go down. I’m going to fuck you until you can’t walk straight. You’re going to say thank you. The end. Don’t complicate this.” He hissed, “Understand?” 

She managed a half nod, his fingertips tightening slightly at her neck. For a moment he stood there in the pouring water, watching her with dark eyes, scouring over her face. She couldn’t quite place his expression, though he seemed to be trying very hard to hide something.

He let go of her neck before she could really analyze him and grabbed her wrists, shoving her hands above her head. In the next moment, his mouth was on her own.

She could barely respond, she was so surprised, a gasp lodged in her throat. She never expected him to kiss her, not ever again, and yet there he was. His tongue slid between her lips and she gave up caring, sucking lightly on it. 

He pulled away with a smirk and then came back, pressing a leg between her own and keeping her on tiptoes as he kissed her again. He sucked down her neck, no doubt leaving more love bites for her to cover. She groaned, grinding against his leg, her feet barely touching the ground. 

“No patience.” He scolds her with a smirk, returning to her mouth 

He sucked on her bottom lip for a moment and then released her from the wall, sliding down her wet body, his hands dragging along her sides and then her hips. Finally, he’s on his knees, lifting one leg and setting it over his shoulder. He noses between her slit and then drags his tongue, one solid motion. Her leg on the ground already feels weak and she shudders, trying and failing to find purchase on the wall behind her. 

“J-Johnny…”

“Mhm.” He hums against her 

He doesn’t stop, his tongue making short work of her nervous system. She feels like she’s going to collapse, her leg trembling so hard her knee knocks against him. He pulls away for less than a moment, just long enough to press two fingers inside, and then continues his onslaught with his tongue. His hand moves fast, up and down, and combined with his sucking at her clit, she’s done for. She moans, one hand twisting into his hair, holding him in place in case he gets any ideas. 

He smirks but lets her ride out the orgasm against him, lapping at her gently. She’s spent, barely able to stand, and she moans again, relaxing. But he isn’t stopping and she’s too sensitive, his mouth turning from pleasure to torture. 

She hisses, prying his face away by his hair as he boyishly grins up at her. 

“Uh-uh.” He stands, pressing her back against the wall again, “We’re not done yet.”

He kisses her hard, she can taste herself on his tongue, and then he lifts her up, legs resting on his arms. 

“Johnny…” It’s a warning, one he completely ignores 

The waters still rushing around them, plastering his hair to his face, and for a moment they both pause, gasping out a breath. Then he lines up with her and slams their bodies together. Her head and back hit the wall at the same time, hard, and the wind gets knocked out of her altogether. He slams into her again, his fingers biting hard into her thighs to keep her in the air. 

“Oh my god.” She manages to grab the back of his head, craning his head back, anything to gain back a little bit of control 

This time, it’s her who leaves a mark, sucking down hard along his collarbone. He groans, picking up the pace, shoving her into the wall again. 

“Fuck V.” His voice is low, “You’re tight as hell.” 

As if proving a point, he groans again and presses deep into her, holding her there. He brings his mouth to her shoulder, biting down hard as she gasps. He’s moving again, pressing deep, when she feels that familiar tug at the base of her spine. 

“I…I’m gonna…”

Johnny smirks as her legs stiffen, another orgasm rocking through her. He’s at her mouth again as she’s coming down, her legs trembling hard around him. 

“Good girl.” 

She goes to hit him but he’s already pulling her off the wall and heading into the apartment, pressed tight to his chest. His fingers bite into her ass and she grips him back with the same tenacity, her arms wrapped around his neck to keep from falling. They’re dripping water everywhere they go, leaving puddles behind them, before he gets to the window. 

He drops her, turning her around and planting her hands on the cold glass with his own over top, his body shadowing her from behind. He presses back into her, sliding back into place with a groan. One hand drags down, gripping her breast, and the other snakes past her hip, already rubbing at her clit. 

She hisses in a breath, backing farther into him. He pinches her nipple in return, teasing her, but then continues at a steady pace for both their sakes. She watches her fingers bend, leaving streaks against the glass in front of her. The whole of night city displays out the window but she can barely keep her eyes open, biting her lip to stop the noises she can barely control. 

“Don’t even think about it.” 

He lets go of her breast to grab at her chin, turning her head and squeezing her mouth until her lips pucker open. She moans, loud, and Johnny’s pace falters slightly. He’s close, she can feel it too, twisted tight in her gut. He lets go of her mouth, both hands on her hips, brutally slamming into her. 

His motions grow more sporadic and he groans, pressing his forehead between her shoulder blades. 

“Fuck I…V…I…”

He cums after that, holding her close and pressing himself deep inside. Her legs feel like jelly, she’s not even sure she can make it to the bed, but he doesn’t give her a choice. He pulls out a moment later, turning her around with an expression she barely has time to understand. He looks…content? Almost? 

He grabs her again, gently, and lifts her up and over to the bed where she finally collapses, exhausted. 

“Thank you.” She mumbles sarcastically

He chuckles at that, brushing hair out of her face. She blindly reaches behind her until she’s found the cigarette case, clipping it open and pulling a cigarette loose. 

“It my birthday?” He teases as she lights it up 

“Ha. Ha.” She returned, rolling her eyes 

“Shouldn’t have kissed you.”

She glanced over, surprised. He’s rubbing the back of his neck, staring anywhere but her, something painful crossing his face. 

“Just complicates things.”

“Oh?” She raises an eyebrow, surprised 

“You’re all warm and gooey when you see me now. This…can’t last.” He replied quietly

“I’m not…”

“You are.” He interrupted her, “Because I am too. You’re rubbing off on me, V. Changing me like I’m changing you.” 

They lapsed into silence and he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. She swallowed back whatever she was going to say, she was certain he already knew it anyway, rattling around in her head. 

“You’ve gotta have a life when I’m gone, not tied down thinking about the best fuck you’ve ever had.” 

He was trying to joke but it all fell a little flat. He barely even smiled at the admission, staring past her into the room. She took another drag and he closed his eyes, relaxing back on his hands. 

“More likely, I’ll die before we can separate.” She shrugged, “Promise to show my body some love? And take care of the cat?” 

“Don’t say that.” He snapped, his eyes were dark when he opened them, frowning at her 

“I’m just…” She tried to explain 

“I told you.” He retorted, “I’m going to…”

“I don’t think I have much time life, Johnny.” 

It was the truth, one she’d been pondering a while now. She felt weak, tired. Like she was a ghost already, just visiting this world. 

“So do me a favor and pretend you care.” She mumbled, taking another drag, “You’re the only one that can at this point.” 

He faced her with a solemn expression and then kicked his way into bed beside her. She stayed smoking, staring up at the ceiling, as he turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow. 

“V?” 

She ignored him, letting smoke raise in front of her face in soft, slow billows. Finally, she crushed the cigarette out into ashes on the shelf behind her. 

“V.” He forced her to turn towards him and she sighed, giving in 

“We’re gonna get through this.”

She offered him half a smile, it’s all she could muster, and he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear on one side in return. 

“I…don’t know if you’ve noticed…but I tend to annihilate what most people call relationships.” He muttered, frowning down somewhere around her chin 

“Not looking for a relationship. Just a little comfort.” 

He sighed but nodded all the same. She slipped out of bed, pulling on a long t-shirt and slipping beneath the blankets. Johnny didn’t move, hovering beside her as he scoured over her face. 

“V…” She couldn’t face him but she turned in his direction nonetheless, “C’mere.” 

The stoic bravado broke and she collapsed into his arms, letting him twist over on his back and hold her against his chest. The tears were welling in her eyes before she knew it and she blinked them away rapidly. 

“I do care, V.” 

“I know.” She forced the words out even though they tried to twist and knot in her throat 

He managed to drag his fingers down her back, soft patterns that made her tears well up yet again. She let them spill, finally, shaking with silent sobs against him. And Johnny held her there, fingers pressed tight into her back. He dragged one through her hair, gently, more so than she thought he could be. 

When she finally stopped crying, he cupped her jaw and led her face into the nook of his neck and shoulder, holding her against him tightly. He turned, kissing the top of her head like an afterthought, and then settled back into the pillows. She twisted her arms around him, pressing her forehead against his neck tightly. 

“I’m right here.” His voice sounded soft, sleepy

“Please don’t leave.” She crushed her eyes closed, trying to count her breaths 

He kept her there as she finally wound down, her heartbeat slowing down and dropping from her ears. She waited a moment, waited to see if he would disappear. Instead, he flipped the lights off above him and sank down under the blanket with her. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
